Trust Issue atau Caper Berkedok Luka?

Gue gak masalah sama orang-orang yang punya trauma dan luka. Gue paham, gak semua orang bisa sembuh dengan cara yang sama, dan gak semua luka harus kelihatan biar dianggap nyata. Tapi belakangan ini, istilah trust issue makin hari makin kehilangan makna. Bukan karena kondisi itu gak ada—tapi karena terlalu banyak yang pakai istilah itu buat branding diri di media sosial. Kapan terakhir kali lo lihat seseorang bilang, “gue trust issue,” lalu diem dan berusaha menyembuhkan diri secara sehat? Gak banyak. Yang lebih sering gue lihat adalah: orang ngumbar trust issue-nya di caption, story, bahkan postingan panjang, seolah semua orang harus maklum dan ngasih validasi. Padahal, orang yang bener-bener punya trust issue itu biasanya gak terlalu cerewet di depan publik. Mereka sibuk ngurusin luka mereka sendiri. Sibuk bertahan, bukan sibuk cari simpati. Mungkin mereka gak ngomong ke banyak orang, mungkin mereka gak bilang kalau mereka takut, sakit, atau merasa kesepian. Tapi mereka punya cara se...
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[EN] When Numbers Matter More Than Meaning


You ever feel like your timeline’s turning into a masquerade? Everything looks loud, colorful, buzzing with applause—but if you really stop and look… it’s empty. Hollow. Fake. Like chewing old gum—there’s a hint of sweetness, but mostly, it’s just gross. I catch myself scrolling slowly, silently asking, “What are people even *doing* here? What are they chasing?”

And in the middle of all that noise, there’s one pattern I’ve never really vibed with: support circles. You know the ones—where accounts exist just to boost each other. You like mine, I reply to yours, you retweet me, I quote you. It’s like a mutual validation ritual. But none of it’s honest. Not because the content’s good, but because there’s this silent contract: “You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours.”

And now it’s even weirder. People are getting paid. There’s that little blue check they pay for—not because their content has integrity, but because it helps grease the algorithm. So it’s no longer just interaction circles. It’s transaction circles.

And they’re getting smarter with it. One checkmarked account isn’t enough—they create ten, maybe twenty. All with blue ticks. All playing in the same ecosystem. They even hire admins to manage those accounts. Not to create anything meaningful—just to keep the engagement wheel spinning. Reply here, quote there, maintain the impression flow. It’s farming. Engagement farming. They plant likes, harvest views, and sell metrics. No wonder you see monthly flexes like, “Made this much from Twitter this month.” But when you look closely, it’s not art. It’s a factory. A number machine.

What’s even more surreal? The bios. “Digital Creator.” “Influencer.” “Content Strategist.” “DM for business.” And the content? Stolen quotes with new fonts. Recycled graphics with emojis. That’s it. But they’re proud. *Really* proud. I sometimes wonder, do they ever stop and ask themselves: *What have I actually made? What am I leaving behind—besides likes and a blue tick?*

Me? I sit in the corner. Quiet. Thinking. Because my brain branches in too many directions. I can’t do what they do—think simply: “As long as it’s viral.” I’m always thinking: “Is this really mine? Is there a layer of meaning here? Did this come from both my head *and* my heart?”

Sometimes it gets exhausting. If you’re like me—you can’t survive in a system built for linear thinking. You think in layers. You’re not satisfied just reposting or slightly tweaking something. You’re asking, “What impact does this have on the reader? Is it ethical to lift this? Am I just recycling, or actually adding meaning?” And those kinds of questions? They rarely exist in support circles. Because what they’re chasing isn’t meaning. It’s metrics.

And here’s what really gets to me: what happens when the platform goes down? When all those numbers vanish? When the blue ticks get wiped? When monetization ends? What’s left on their pages then? Stolen quotes? Empty interactions? Screenshot flexes? Is *that* what they’ll show their kids someday? Is *that* their legacy? And scarier still—have they ever even *thought* about that? Are they ready for the day the field they’ve been farming dries up? Or will they just panic and start looking for the next place to plant numbers again?

I imagine a future where the algorithm changes. Where blue ticks mean nothing. Where likes don’t count. Where audiences finally get bored of regurgitated content. Where everything resets to one question: *Do you actually have something to say?* Will you still create, write, think—*even if no one claps?* Maybe then we’ll see who the real creators are. And who were just number farmers.

I’m not writing this out of envy. Not because I don’t know how the system works. I *do*. That’s why I’m disgusted. I don’t want to be part of this stream that chases numbers without substance. I don’t want my work to be as thin as a post that gets swiped past in 0.2 seconds.

To those of you who feel the same way—whose minds wander past the surface—it’s okay. We’re different. We’re fewer, but we’re here. We’re the ones who still care about integrity. Who still want to leave meaning behind. Who still want to be able to answer, when someone asks, *“What have you made?”*, with *actual* work—not just numbers.

And to those proudly flaunting their blue checks, their six-digit views, their “fancy” bios packed with copy-paste content…

I hope someday you realize: numbers can buy a lot of things—but never self-respect.

And if having a mind like mine means I lose the popularity contest? I’m fine with that.
Because I’d rather lose to numbers… than win without meaning.

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